Wedding Disaster

Tomorrow is my 4 year anniversary with my husband, Brian.  We had a beautiful wedding on December 1st of 2012, but of course it wasn't a perfect day.  In fact, my memories of that day are often tainted because of someone we hired who did not know how to do their job.  

I'm not sharing this story to talk bad about someone.  I have to get this out because I want to warn other brides about the kind of disrespect that can happen in the wedding world.  I will not name the guy who I feel ruined my wedding because that's not the kind of person I am.  But I am going to give the full details of how he made my wedding day much more stressful than it should have been.

It all started when Brian, my mom, and I were discussing wedding plans.  My mom suggested we hire a man from our old church to be the DJ.  She said he would give us a good deal and I could pick my own music, so I agreed.  Now you have to understand something about me.  I absolutely love music.  This was a very significant part of the wedding to me.  I wanted to create a customized playlist of songs that were special to me and Brian.  I do not enjoy traditional wedding music and I'm not a fan of the radio.  I spent hours on a playlist for the entire evening of the wedding.  I organized it in a Word document by time slot.  The list had songs for before, during, and after the ceremony.  I also provided songs for while we were getting pictures taken, our entrance, dinner, dancing, cake cutting, etc.  I was very organized and tried to make it as easy as possible.

The DJ and his wife came over for dinner at least a month before the wedding to discuss details.  We all agreed his wife would be there to help direct people before and after the ceremony.  I gave him a printed version of my list and emailed it to him as well.  He said he didn't have most of the songs so I gave him a flash drive with all of them on it.  These were songs I paid for from iTunes.

On the night before the rehearsal dinner, I got a call from the DJ.  He said there was a problem with the flash drive.  He came over at 10 that night and informed me he was using a different program that didn't recognize any of the songs I gave him because it wasn't compatible with iTunes and since he didn't use iTunes at all, my songs would not play on his computer.  Now I'm no expert on being a DJ, but wouldn't you think if this was something you did all the time you would know how to use iTunes?  Well, not this DJ.   I was shocked he had waited so long to figure this out.  I was angry and exhausted.  I didn't need this on top of all the other things I had to deal with.

I agreed to let him use my laptop on the day of the wedding.  I told him I would make playlists for each section of the night so it would be super easy for him to play the songs I wanted.

The next night was the rehearsal.  Along with everyone else, I was shocked when he tried to take over and boss everyone around.  I had planned to have a very simple setting in front of a gorgeous tree.  The only decorations I wanted were white flower petals going down the aisle and mason jars with candles hanging from the tree.  I wanted to keep it simple, but he had to put his opinion in and let me know he thought I needed more.  I assured him I didn't.

This is all I wanted and it was perfect.

The day of the wedding had finally arrived and my emotions were all over the place.  I was thrilled to finally be getting married to the love of my life, but I was nervous because I'd have to be the center of attention.  I remember waiting with my dad, trying to breathe just before it was time for me to walk down the aisle.  

All the sudden, I hear a song that was supposed to be played earlier, and the grandparents started walking down the aisle.  My anxiety turned to concern as I realized the DJ was playing the wrong song!  I told my dad to run down there and tell him to start over with the right song, but he said there was no time.  When the parents started down the aisle, there was no music playing at all.  The wedding party walked to the right song though and as I passed the DJ just before my turn I whispered the name of my song to confirm he had the right one.  He did and it was the perfect song for me to walk to.

At this point, I wasn't thinking about the fact I didn't see the DJ's wife and another lady was directing people where to go.  She saved the day because he didn't tell us his wife was unable to come because she was home sick.

The ceremony was beautiful and after we had our pictures taken we began to walk to the reception hall.  The DJ came up to me and Brian with my music list in his hand. He asked a question about the song I wanted to be played for when the wedding party was introduced.  I answered his question and he went back in.  As we were waiting behind the bridesmaids and groomsman, he began the introductions, but there was something off.  A slow song was playing instead of the upbeat dance song I had just told him about.  I was fuming, but didn't want the moment to be ruined, so I entered the room with thoughts of my new husband.  People were immediately making comments about how that song was not fitting and how weird it was we entered to a slow song.

While we were eating our wedding dinner, a lame song that was definitely not on my list started to play.  I told Brian and he agreed this was ridiculous but helped me try to enjoy the rest of the night.  Then, my songs began to play and one of them played twice in a row.  This whole time I'm trying to enjoy my meal and all I can think about is what an idiot this guy was.

I let it go and the night continued.  Then, I hear a special song that was supposed to be played for couples towards the end of the night.  I asked my dad to tell the DJ this song is not supposed to be played right now.  He had the DJ change it, but not ten minutes later, it was playing again.  At this point, I felt defeated.  I asked my dad to ask him to change it again.  My dad came back and said he was outside, not even at his booth, and was mumbling something under his breath about my weird music.  My dad agreed his behavior was unacceptable.

When my dad and I had our father/daughter dance, the song was supposed to be stopped early because it was too long and I had a note on my playlist indicating where it should be cut off.  Well, we ended up dancing to the entire 4 minutes of the song.  

Then, this guy had the nerve to come up to me during the mother/son dance and say "No one noticed that special song was playing.  You shouldn't worry about it."  Thinking back on this moment, I should have told him how I felt.  I didn't want to deal with it so I just nodded.  But his attitude was so rude and disrespectful.  He said no one noticed, but I noticed and I'm the bride.  I didn't care about people noticing, I cared that he wasn't doing his job.

You can see him kneeling down to talk to me in the background.

He even forgot to announce the speeches, so no one got up and spoke at our wedding.  My dad had prepared a speech he never got to deliver.  We're not supposed to be the ones thinking about that sort of thing.  

Later, I found out he was rude to many of our guests and was passing out his card trying to get more clients.  After my husband and I left, we didn't think about anything that just happened because we were so relieved the day was over and we could finally be together.  But when we got back from our honeymoon and started talking to family about what happened, we all agreed the DJ was way out of line.

I wrote everyone involved with the wedding a thank you note, except the DJ.  I wrote him a letter explaining how disrespected I felt and how I will never get that day back.  But I never sent it.  I figured if that's how he acts, a letter isn't going to do anything.  It was just therapeutic for me.

Writing this has also been therapeutic.  I want people to be aware of who they hire and make sure you're on the same page.  If there are red flags in the beginning, let them go and get someone else.  Of course, I didn't expect a perfect day, but there was no reason I should have had to deal with all these issues on my wedding day.

I have struggled with forgiving him over these 4 years and I have to for my own sanity.  But I will never forget the lessons I learned when dealing with someone who is arrogant and disrespectful and I hope the next time that happens I will stand up for myself.

Why I Don't Have Cable TV

       

  When my husband and I first got married, we lived in a one bedroom apartment and had a Comcast cable and internet package.  The company assured us it made sense to have a package because you’d save money.  We rarely watched TV and after about a year of paying for something we never used, we decided to cut this out of our budget.  The cable company tried to convince us to keep it, but we had made up our minds.  I understand many people will not be able to relate to this post because they love watching TV, but this is how I truly feel about cable.  Below are the main reasons I have no desire to ever have cable TV in my home.

1. Cable TV is Too Expensive for What You Get

Think about how much you pay a month to have cable.  Now think about how much time you actually watch TV and consider how much of that time is spent watching ads.  You’re paying to watch commercials.  This doesn’t make sense and I will not waste another second of my life paying to have my brain turned to mush.

2. There are Better Alternatives

I’m not completely knocking watching TV.  I love Amazon Prime and Netflix.  They are superior to cable because there are no annoying commercials and they allow you to watch what you want on your time.  Not to mention, you can binge watch shows, so there’s no waiting to see what happens week to week.  Plus, these forms of entertainment prevent channel surfing.  You can stick to the shows and movies you like, and really save time.

3. Cable is a Waste of Time

Speaking of time, watching cable TV is a waste of time.  You can spend hours channel surfing and sitting through commercials.  You could be spending that time with friends and family or being productive.  In my opinion, cable promotes laziness.

4. Commercials are Rotting Your Brain

Did I mention how much I loathe commercials?  I can’t stand them.  They get super loud, they’re mostly advertising things I would never buy, and they’re taxing on your mental health.  There is a ton of research on how too much of this kind of stimulation is psychologically unhealthy.  Our lives are chaotic enough.  When we’re home, we should enjoy peace and quiet while we can, not fill our minds with meaningless chatter.

                It may seem strange to some since I’m only 26, but I really am content to watch less and less TV.  I feel like there are more important things to do in life.  In my home, there is one TV in the living room.  We will never have a TV in any of the bedrooms.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with relaxing every once in a while in front of the TV.  But I don’t think we should be addicted to it.  Maybe you completely disagree with everything I’ve said, but at least consider what TV is doing to your mental health and your family.  I believe attempting to have the TV on less would improve the quality of life in many homes.

5 Ways to Survive Long Distance Trips Away From Your Spouse

     As some of you may know, it’s hunting season.  My husband is a bow hunter and he goes away on long hunting trips quite often this time of year.  It’s bittersweet for me because I miss him terribly, but I also get to spend time with family and feel like a kid again.  I’m guessing there are many other people going through similar situations, so I’ve created this list to help you get through the separation. 

1. Write Notes to Each Other

Every year, I write my husband notes he can take with him and read for each day of his trip.  It may be about my thoughts, encouragement for him, prayers, or just plain love notes.  Sometimes he will hide notes for me to find while he’s gone too.  This is a nice way to feel close to each other.

2. Stay Busy

This is a simple concept, but well worth mentioning.  Keep yourself busy and make plans so you’re not sitting at home missing your spouse.  This makes the time go by much faster and it prevents depression from setting in.

3.  Spend Time with Friends and Family

Take advantage of this time to visit with your loved ones.  I always move back in with my parents because it’s fun to feel like a kid again.  I’m more comfortable being with them rather than staying at an empty apartment.  My Mom is my best friend, so we get to spend time together and I’ll often help her with organizing and home projects.  I also like to spend time with my sister, my aunt, and my husband’s family.  Being around these people help me not feel so lonely while I’m missing my husband.

4. Accomplish Things You Don’t Normally Have Time For

When was the last time you organized your home or finished a home improvement project?  This could be the perfect time to get things done and surprise your spouse when they get home.  You’ll feel productive and time will fly by.

5. Talk and Text As Often As Possible

This is an obvious one, but staying in contact with your spouse while they’re away will definitely help you get through missing them.  My husband and I are always texting throughout the day and he calls me every night.  Sometimes I even get a picture of him from his tree stand!

                I understand this list may seem silly to some people, but that’s okay.  This is where I am in my life right now.  I’d also like to acknowledge that some people (like my in-laws) have had to go way longer without seeing each other.  Military families or people with jobs that require a lot of travel have to be strong to be able to handle being away from each other for that long.  I admire those in this situation because I don’t know how I would survive.  God must give them strength.  Anyway, I hope this helps you the next time you have to be away from your love!

Biblical Violence and Violent Entertainment

A while I ago I did a review for Signs where I discussed how terrified I was of certain scenes in the movie.  I remember that was one of the first times a movie truly scared me.  Eventually, I grew to enjoy scary movies, with the exception of anything depicting torture, and realized it actually helped me overcome many fears.  Within the last few years I have been reading through the Old Testament with the goal of reading the entire Bible all the way through.  What I learned is an interesting correlation between what I'm seeing in gory TV shows and movies, and the gruesome violence that occurred in Biblical times.

Many people do not like violent movies or shows and are shocked when I share my enthusiasm for shows like The Walking Dead or movies like Underworld.  I am a Christian so how could I allow these things into my mind?  After all, Colossians 3:2 says "Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."  I've never felt a conviction when watching these things and honestly I'm more disturbed by a barf scene than by someone getting eaten by a zombie.  There is something about knowing zombies aren't real and that's not going to happen that allows me to not be afraid or disturbed by it.  But I get squeamish watching a video of someone having real surgery.

The point is, as I've read through the Old Testament, I have been shocked to discover how similar some stories are to the disturbing scenes I've seen in movies and TV.  For example,  in Judges 19:22-30, there is a story I was horrified to read.  It tells of a concubine who was raped and beaten all night and left for dead.  When her master found her "...he took a knife, and taking hold of his concubine he divided her, limb by limb, into twelve pieces, and sent her throughout all the territory of Israel." (Verse 29)  When I read this, it instantly reminded me of something I might see on the show Dexter.

So why would God put these terrible stories in His book?  I believe it is to show the evil nature of humanity and to further prove how much we need Jesus.  I don't consume my mind with these forms of entertainment all the time, but every once in a while I enjoy them.  I do not feel this is a sin, because honestly, it's not much different than reading the Bible.  Everyone is different though, so if you feel like you're watching something you shouldn't, turn it off.  As long as my main focus in life is to live for Jesus, I don't see a problem with enjoying a gruesome movie once in a while.  

"You're Too Skinny and Pale"

I'm sharing these experiences for anyone who has struggled with low self-esteem and body image issues.  I've dealt with both my whole life.  I knew I was different from a very young age.  I remember hearing my pediatrician tell my Mom I was in the 5th percentile for weight.  I've been underweight my entire life and people seem to think that gives them the right to judge me.  

Being skinny comes with many different pros and cons than someone who is overweight.  But in my experience, comments from people about my body can hurt just as much as things said to someone who struggles with weighing too much.  It all boils down to someone saying you don’t fit their idea of what a body should look like and you should do something to change yourself into the world’s view of what is attractive.
  
I will never forget sitting on the bus in 9th grade and a boy I thought was my friend sat next to me and asked “Are you anorexic?”.  I hid my shock and assured him I wasn’t, but it still hurt.  As if being too thin wasn’t enough, I’m also very pale and have red hair.  Once again, this contributed to my not fitting the ideal image of a beautiful woman, so I was asked by numerous family members and family friends “Why are you so pale?”. Or they would make comments like “You should go to the beach and get a tan.”
   
A few years ago I started hearing about something called a thigh gap.  I didn’t even know what this was until someone told me I had one.  It’s the space between your thighs when you put your knees together and some girls have it if they have thin legs like me.  Shortly after hearing about this, I saw several posts on social media talking about how some women were glad they didn’t have a thigh gap because it’s unattractive.

What all of these people didn’t realize is this is how God made me.  It took many years for me to accept this, and even embrace it.  I know I’m healthy.  I eat plenty so it’s not like I’m purposely trying to stay super thin.  I hate going to the beach because after 15 minutes I feel like I’m burning to death.  I don’t want a fake tan.  It would look ridiculous with my hair color.  I even tried dying my hair brown at one point because I was sick of being different.  But God made me a skinny, pale, red head, and that’s how I plan to stay.
  
I used to think I would never find a husband because I didn't look like the "ideal woman".  In 2011 I met a guy who prayed for a pale red headed wife.  We’ve been married for almost four years now and he has helped me see my beauty through God’s eyes.  Sometimes, I still struggle with feeling different.  But the older I get, the more I realize, tan or pale, thigh gap or no thigh gap, we are all beautiful in our own ways.  I hope more people realize this and stop judging others.

I believe no one should have anything negative to say about another person's body as long as they're healthy.  I'd like to see everyone building each other up with compliments rather than spewing the negative and hurtful things I've heard all my life.  If you've ever been judged in this way, I want you to know you are beautiful.  God made you just the way you are.  Do not let other people, who are probably insecure in their own skin, tear you down.  Let's come together and celebrate how unique God has made each and every one of us.

5 Reasons to Avoid Fad Traps

If you've been following me on this blog at all, you know I'm all about organizing, cleaning, and living a minimalist lifestyle.  Today I want to share with you the main reasons why you shouldn't give in to buying popular items you feel like you "just have to have".  Specifically, I'm talking about quilted purses, beanie babies, and anything that gets really popular and creates a need to collect.  

Remember when the Vera Bradley and other quilted purses were everywhere?  Now I only see them in second hand stores where they're sold for dirt cheap.  In the 90's I remember begging my parents to go to McDonald's (I shutter to think about what I ate back then!) so I could collect all the beanie babies because my sister and I thought we needed all of them.

The point is, just because something is super popular in the moment, doesn't mean you have to jump on the bandwagon.  Wait it out and you won't miss out on anything but hassle.  Below are the top 5 reasons you should avoid falling for the fad trap.

1. They Don't Last

This world is full of fleeting things that don't mean anything.  If you're trying to collect something just because everyone else is doing it, you've fallen for the fad trap.  Sure, it feels good in the moment, but in a few years the craze will disappear and you'll be stuck with a pile of junk.

2. They're a Waste of Money

Some of these items are extremely expensive.  Once the fad dies out, you've wasted a lot of hard earned money on something you don't even use anymore.

3. They Create Clutter

Once you've collected all these items, where are you going to store them?  They'll most likely end up in a closet collecting dust.  One of the best ways to make your life easier and simpler is to get rid of clutter you don't need and I'd bet those collector's items you got a few years ago would be a good place to start.

4. They're a Hassle to Get Rid of

Once you've decided to ditch the outdated items, what do you do with them?  There's no longer a demand for them so you're lucky to sell them at a garage sale for next to nothing.  At least you can feel good about donating them and maybe they'll go to someone in need.

5. They Distract You From the Important Things in Life

I'm not saying all material items are bad and you should get rid of all your possessions.  You can still enjoy hobbies and things you love.  But make sure it's something true to yourself.  Maybe instead of spending money on a fad item, buy a friend lunch.  

The very definition of  a fad is "an intense and widely shared enthusiasm for something, especially one that is short-lived and without basis in the object's qualities; a craze".  Instead of giving in, spend your time and money on your loved ones and things that really matter.  You'll feel lighter and happier knowing you've made the best decision for you and your family.

The Easiest Way to Clean Your Phone

I don't know about most people, but I'm very conscious of washing my hands.  Touching money is the worst for me because I know it's something many different people have touched.  I immediately wash my hands after handling money.  

An object most people are always touching is obviously their cell phones.  We take them with us to the bathroom, in the car, when we're shopping, just about everywhere.  They're inevitably full of germs at any given time.  Have you ever stopped to think maybe you should clean it?

I'll admit I didn't come up with this idea on my own.  My mom works at an antique mall and handles money all day while also touching her phone.  She shared with me the fastest, easiest, and safest way to clean your phone.  It only takes about a minute and because of the simple cleaning ingredient used, it won't damage your phone.

All you need is some rubbing alcohol and a cotton pad.  Dab a the cotton pad with a little alcohol and rub it all over your phone.  That's it!  The alcohol kills germs and dries in seconds.  My mom does this every night after a long day at work.  I wash mine about once a week.  

Maybe this sounds like something only a germophobe would do, but it's worth the short minute.  This practice will make your life healthier, cleaner, and you could even prevent yourself from getting sick!