I'm not sharing this story to talk bad about someone. I have to get this out because I want to warn other brides about the kind of disrespect that can happen in the wedding world. I will not name the guy who I feel ruined my wedding because that's not the kind of person I am. But I am going to give the full details of how he made my wedding day much more stressful than it should have been.
It all started when Brian, my mom, and I were discussing wedding plans. My mom suggested we hire a man from our old church to be the DJ. She said he would give us a good deal and I could pick my own music, so I agreed. Now you have to understand something about me. I absolutely love music. This was a very significant part of the wedding to me. I wanted to create a customized playlist of songs that were special to me and Brian. I do not enjoy traditional wedding music and I'm not a fan of the radio. I spent hours on a playlist for the entire evening of the wedding. I organized it in a Word document by time slot. The list had songs for before, during, and after the ceremony. I also provided songs for while we were getting pictures taken, our entrance, dinner, dancing, cake cutting, etc. I was very organized and tried to make it as easy as possible.
The DJ and his wife came over for dinner at least a month before the wedding to discuss details. We all agreed his wife would be there to help direct people before and after the ceremony. I gave him a printed version of my list and emailed it to him as well. He said he didn't have most of the songs so I gave him a flash drive with all of them on it. These were songs I paid for from iTunes.
On the night before the rehearsal dinner, I got a call from the DJ. He said there was a problem with the flash drive. He came over at 10 that night and informed me he was using a different program that didn't recognize any of the songs I gave him because it wasn't compatible with iTunes and since he didn't use iTunes at all, my songs would not play on his computer. Now I'm no expert on being a DJ, but wouldn't you think if this was something you did all the time you would know how to use iTunes? Well, not this DJ. I was shocked he had waited so long to figure this out. I was angry and exhausted. I didn't need this on top of all the other things I had to deal with.
I agreed to let him use my laptop on the day of the wedding. I told him I would make playlists for each section of the night so it would be super easy for him to play the songs I wanted.
The next night was the rehearsal. Along with everyone else, I was shocked when he tried to take over and boss everyone around. I had planned to have a very simple setting in front of a gorgeous tree. The only decorations I wanted were white flower petals going down the aisle and mason jars with candles hanging from the tree. I wanted to keep it simple, but he had to put his opinion in and let me know he thought I needed more. I assured him I didn't.
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| This is all I wanted and it was perfect. |
The day of the wedding had finally arrived and my emotions were all over the place. I was thrilled to finally be getting married to the love of my life, but I was nervous because I'd have to be the center of attention. I remember waiting with my dad, trying to breathe just before it was time for me to walk down the aisle.
All the sudden, I hear a song that was supposed to be played earlier, and the grandparents started walking down the aisle. My anxiety turned to concern as I realized the DJ was playing the wrong song! I told my dad to run down there and tell him to start over with the right song, but he said there was no time. When the parents started down the aisle, there was no music playing at all. The wedding party walked to the right song though and as I passed the DJ just before my turn I whispered the name of my song to confirm he had the right one. He did and it was the perfect song for me to walk to.
At this point, I wasn't thinking about the fact I didn't see the DJ's wife and another lady was directing people where to go. She saved the day because he didn't tell us his wife was unable to come because she was home sick.
The ceremony was beautiful and after we had our pictures taken we began to walk to the reception hall. The DJ came up to me and Brian with my music list in his hand. He asked a question about the song I wanted to be played for when the wedding party was introduced. I answered his question and he went back in. As we were waiting behind the bridesmaids and groomsman, he began the introductions, but there was something off. A slow song was playing instead of the upbeat dance song I had just told him about. I was fuming, but didn't want the moment to be ruined, so I entered the room with thoughts of my new husband. People were immediately making comments about how that song was not fitting and how weird it was we entered to a slow song.
While we were eating our wedding dinner, a lame song that was definitely not on my list started to play. I told Brian and he agreed this was ridiculous but helped me try to enjoy the rest of the night. Then, my songs began to play and one of them played twice in a row. This whole time I'm trying to enjoy my meal and all I can think about is what an idiot this guy was.
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I let it go and the night continued. Then, I hear a special song that was supposed to be played for couples towards the end of the night. I asked my dad to tell the DJ this song is not supposed to be played right now. He had the DJ change it, but not ten minutes later, it was playing again. At this point, I felt defeated. I asked my dad to ask him to change it again. My dad came back and said he was outside, not even at his booth, and was mumbling something under his breath about my weird music. My dad agreed his behavior was unacceptable.
When my dad and I had our father/daughter dance, the song was supposed to be stopped early because it was too long and I had a note on my playlist indicating where it should be cut off. Well, we ended up dancing to the entire 4 minutes of the song.
Then, this guy had the nerve to come up to me during the mother/son dance and say "No one noticed that special song was playing. You shouldn't worry about it." Thinking back on this moment, I should have told him how I felt. I didn't want to deal with it so I just nodded. But his attitude was so rude and disrespectful. He said no one noticed, but I noticed and I'm the bride. I didn't care about people noticing, I cared that he wasn't doing his job.
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| You can see him kneeling down to talk to me in the background. |
He even forgot to announce the speeches, so no one got up and spoke at our wedding. My dad had prepared a speech he never got to deliver. We're not supposed to be the ones thinking about that sort of thing.
Later, I found out he was rude to many of our guests and was passing out his card trying to get more clients. After my husband and I left, we didn't think about anything that just happened because we were so relieved the day was over and we could finally be together. But when we got back from our honeymoon and started talking to family about what happened, we all agreed the DJ was way out of line.
I wrote everyone involved with the wedding a thank you note, except the DJ. I wrote him a letter explaining how disrespected I felt and how I will never get that day back. But I never sent it. I figured if that's how he acts, a letter isn't going to do anything. It was just therapeutic for me.
Writing this has also been therapeutic. I want people to be aware of who they hire and make sure you're on the same page. If there are red flags in the beginning, let them go and get someone else. Of course, I didn't expect a perfect day, but there was no reason I should have had to deal with all these issues on my wedding day.
I have struggled with forgiving him over these 4 years and I have to for my own sanity. But I will never forget the lessons I learned when dealing with someone who is arrogant and disrespectful and I hope the next time that happens I will stand up for myself.
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