Recently, my father shared a video with me called, The Power of Introverts. He said it helped him better understand my personality. This inspired me to share my own personal experiences growing up as an introvert, because we are so often misunderstood.
Many different people told me there was something wrong with me because I didn't express myself. They'd ask "Why are you so quiet?". My answer was simple. I was very shy and would only speak when I had something important to say.
It's not that I don't enjoy the company of others. I love spending time with family and close friends. But being around people I don't know very well, especially in large groups, takes up a lot of mental energy, and after such gatherings introverts need alone time to recharge. Like Susan Cain mentions in the video, I often become overstimulated in these chaotic social situations.
Because I was so different from my peers, in my interests, looks, and personality, it made me feel like an outcast. This resulted in some intense bullying in middle school, which made my introversion even more extreme. School was particularly difficult because the systems seem to cater toward the more outgoing students. Any time I had to do an oral presentation or felt all eyes on me, my face would turn bright red. This continued throughout high school and even some in college.
I'll never forget one specific time this happened because it's one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
English was my best subject, so ever since 6th grade, I always took an advanced class. The English teacher I had in my junior year of high school created a very stressful environment for me. We would often have class discussions and everyone was expected to participate. The problem is, when I'm put in this type of situation where I could be called on at any moment, I stop learning and start panicking. My heart beat sped up and I felt sweaty and spacey. We were being graded on how we contributed to a discussion with the entire class and this created an unfair advantage for the students who were comfortable with speaking out. If I had time and space to expand my thoughts, I'd have just as much of a chance at succeeding as the extrovert sitting next to me. But that's not how this class was set up.
The teacher began the discussion and started calling on random students. I couldn't breathe as I sat in silence hoping to become invisible. When the moment came and he called my name, I was unable to think of an intelligent response. He said "What do you think about this?" The topic was something I had no opinion on because I had never had to think about it before. All I could say was the truth. That I didn't know and I didn't have an opinion. He asked me to try and I said "I don't want to be noticed". He said "You are noticed. We are all noticed" and went back to the discussion. I thought the horror was over, until a girl looked at me with a confused look on her face. She said "Why are you turning red? You're the color of your hair." I was mortified. Remember how I said this was an advanced class? Yeah, I made my first C in English that year.
This is a stark contrast to how my senior year English class went. I loved the teacher because she was respectful to her students and taught in a way that allowed me to succeed. Every day there was a journal topic on the board and we would spend the first fifteen minutes of class writing about it. We read interesting books and plays, wrote essays on fun topics, and I don't think I had to give any lone presentations that year. She always gave my papers constructive criticism in a tactful way. On one, she wrote something like "You have a natural talent for writing. Never give it up." That always stuck with me as an encouragement.
Reflecting on these two completely different experiences has made me really angry. I don't understand why some teachers play favorites based on personality. In the 11th grade class, I felt I was being punished because I was shy, quiet, and reserved. Like Susan Cain said, it's not that we should change the current systems to accommodate only introverted learning styles. There has to be a balance. I'm great at learning by listening and observing. If that teacher had set up an optional participation discussion, I would have benefited from it much more. I could actually try to learn and pay attention to what everyone was saying rather than having an internal panic attack at the thought of being called on.
Another aspect of my life that others made me feel inferior about because of my introversion was my love life. I didn’t date much as a teenager. Someone once told me I'd never meet anyone if I didn't go out and try. Their suggestion was to go to a club or bar and try to meet guys there. But that's not where I wanted to be. Why would I want to meet someone where I'm not comfortable? Shortly after that conversation, I met a boy, who is now my husband, in my own way. You don't have to be super outgoing to get what you want out of life.
In recent years, I've become better at not letting other people's comments bother me. It's not that I don't like people, it just takes me a little more time to get to know someone before I can fully be myself. The bottom line is, we introverts need some grace. We shouldn't be criticized for our innate personalities. We shouldn't be made to feel guilty because most of the time we'd rather stay home than go out. God made us all different for a reason and we should be motivating each other to be true to ourselves so we can reach our full potential in all aspects of life.
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